Tourniquet
by justx4xbeingxme
Summary: Tourniquet - by Evanescence - Song Fic. LJ Romance and Angst. James is really depressed, he's no longer the jokingly guy he used to be. Lily had taken him to the limit. ((Full Summary Inside)) Plz R&R.
1. Declaimer, AN, Full Summary

** Tourniquet **  
  
DECLAIMER: I don't own anything you recognize, including J.K.'s characters and Evanescence's songs.  
  
FULL SUMMARY:  
  
James P.O.V.  
  
My story, your story, our story. The one I will share with you. Everything starts with this gorgeous girl, but I don't want to give details.  
  
Me and her, we were so far but deep inside very close. Hard times came for me but I survived, as a good warrior I did.  
  
Life teach us to love and hate, but to forgive and accept our mistakes with honor, and so I did. Let me show you how I went through that. Let me show you what happens when love is stronger than fear.  
  
When love is stronger than anything.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE:  
  
Dear Reader:  
  
This is not my first fan fic, not even my first L/J fan fic. Even though my other ffs didn't have much success and they are still in process to be finished I decided to start this one and prove luck. But maybe it is not luck, it is just that I suck as a writer.  
  
I'm still not very sure if this fan fic will be rated R, but just in case, it is.  
  
Please, Read & Review. I will be very pleased to see what you think. If u could also include your opinion about my summary, would be great.  
  
So enjoy, I hope you do as much as I did writing it.  
  
Yours always,  
  
- Julie - 


	2. Lost Words

** Tourniquet **  
  
Chapter I: - Lost Words -  
  
James' P.O.V.  
  
(( ** Flash Back ** ))  
  
I tried to kill the pain. But only brought more. I lay dying. And I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal.  
  
"Come on Mate this is ridiculous!" I heard Sirius saying as I entered to the Great Hall for the last time in the school year.  
  
"Why?" I came out with that grin Sirius hates. That one that says 'I'll do it whether you like it or not!'  
  
I heard an annoyed sigh followed by a gasp. "Oh! Never mind, Prongsy- donsey."  
  
"Oki-doky Padfoot" I joked and chuckled. "So, are you with me?"  
  
He looked at me as if it was a really silly question. "I don't know what makes you think this time will be different but, do I have a choice?"  
  
I shook my head 'no' and smiled brightly then patted his back friendly. "Great! That's why you are my best friend. Cause you are, you know?"  
  
He just nodded staring at the floor, hands inside his pockets. We were now sitting at the Gryffindor table in a far corner from the professors. I didn't really had much to eat, just mashed potatoes and some roast beef. I didn't feel like eating at that moment and no I wasn't sick as Remus stated, I was just sort of 'busy'.  
  
Her hair flung with an inexistent breeze and her fair skin looked slightly blushed, but I knew it wasn't blushed, that was how her cheeks looked always. I had examined her face with such care that I knew every spot in it. I had stared that amount of time into her eyes that I almost knew how many colors conformed that emerald glowing green. I had count the number of curls that usually laid heavily over her shoulders, those flame red curls that smell like heaven. I could recognize her perfume that had a peach essence with some roses one from a mile away. I knew her so well, we were so close and at the same time so far away.  
  
Peter shook me frantically repeating my name. "James, James! " He said, but I didn't want to wake up, I didn't want to stop staring at her.  
  
"Prongs!" Finally Sirius shouted and I looked at him half frowning. "What?!" I said as loud as he called my name.  
  
"Is time." My knees started shaking badly and I could feel the sweat of my hands increasing.  
  
"Yeah, time .." I mumbled between my teeth and got up. I walked to her slowly caring for every step, one mistake and I would fall into madness. I stood next to her cheering myself, then looked at Sirius, Remus and Peter who they all gave me thumbs up and bright smiles.  
  
"Eva - " I heard myself saying. Then shook my head slightly. "Lily ..." My deep voice was lost in the crowd. She turned to me interrupting her conversation and frowned.  
  
"What?!" She said coolly but that didn't turn me off, I thought I would change that tone.  
  
"Can we talk?" She frowned harder ( If that's even possible ) then said. "That's what we are doing, aren't we, Potter?"  
  
She was right, how could I be so stupid? "I mean . alone" This last word was a whisper in an intend to keep it secret, but it was too late, the crowd around us was staring paying more attention to us that to their own food.  
  
Lily looked around and tucked a piece of her gorgeous shinny hair behind her ear then groaned. "Okay" And we walked out the Hall together. This was it, the time had been set, I couldn't turn back, there was no way out.  
  
I chose the place, a quiet one between the stairwell and the wall, it was a bit dark but I still could see every detail of her face, I was almost sure she could see mine.  
  
"So?" She groaned again. My mouth was dry, my hands sweaty as hell, my knees still trembling but my voice (surprisingly) wasn't weak and didn't sound distant. I was really confident, I really wanted to do this.  
  
"I love you" I heard myself saying, a tremendous impulse of running off came to me but I hold it just to watch what was happening next. Her face didn't show hate, neither love, she didn't look astonish, she just looked as Lily, the normal one, careless, cold, but still extremely beautiful.  
  
(( ** Back to Present ** ))  
  
I opened my eyes in the middle of the night, the slight snore coming from Sirius' nose caught my ear while Remus sighed deeply. I was at home, not at school, laying on my bed, Sirius and Remus laying on two conjured beds lost in a deep sleep. I looked around trying to find my blankets planning to get them back, when something else distracted me.  
  
I took the piece of paper that had fallen from the night table next to Remus' bed. A picture faced me as I turned it around. Remus, with his dirty blonde almost light brown hair swinging, his eyes ( as always ) looked tired and old but his smile revealed his young soul, next to him Lily with her luscious lucks fixed in a messy ponytail hugging him from the waist a bright smile drawn in her face and her eyes full of life, it was well known for me that they were really good friends, both were prefects and pretty smart people, best in their classes, and they had something quite important in common, I really cared for both of them. 


	3. Living Reality

Dear Reader:  
  
First of all, sorry chapter one was so short, I've been working a lot in my fan fics. Actually another idea came to me when I was at my cousin's wedding, so we, I mean a friend and I, might be posting another fan fic soon. (I'm not giving more details). However, thanks to all my reviewers, and before I forget:  
  
you know you're right : Well, this kind of fanfics are written a lot, but I hope I can surprise you with what I've planned.  
  
SoulAvenger : Thanks. I'm glad you liked it.  
  
duva : I wasn't really planning to say what happened after James told Lily he loved her, and so the Flash Back of this story was written for you. However thanks for saying I don't suck, that made me feel much more better.  
  
little key : I will continue, thanks.  
  
LilynjamesAAF : I'm afraid to say that nothing has come to my mind to keep this story rated R, but I hope something will soon come.  
  
Mythology : The beginning is always the hardest thing to write, at least for me. It's a pleasure hearing you liked it.  
  
Azazel of Hellfire : I'm glad you think so.  
  
Okay, now that all my reviewers have been thanked, I have to give you, sort of, bad news. This is my last up date for the year and I promise all my stories will be up dated on January 1st.  
  
Always Yours,  
  
- Julie -  
  
P.S. I wish you all a holly jolly x-mass and a really happy new year!  
  
** Tourniquet **  
  
Chapter II : Living Reality  
  
James' P.O.V.  
  
I'm dying, praying bleeding and screaming.  
  
Am I too lost to be saved?  
  
Am I too lost?  
  
"I don't like to say this Prongs, but I told you. Maybe you should give up." Said honestly Sirius to me, his best mate. He was sorry he couldn't help me more, but I knew somehow he was glad I was starting to realize that girl was not for me.  
  
"Yeah, I'm starting to believe that too. I might be just wasting my time with her but still my love for her hasn't changed."  
  
"What you feel is not love anymore, James! It is an obsession! You are the first person, I know, that fights for someone or even something that way!" Sirius replied, and maybe he was right. But, at last. What is love? And where does it come from?  
  
"No! I might be overreacting with what I feel, but I know what I feel and it is called LOVE!" I felt how my world went down, I felt the same thing I felt after saying Lily that I loved her.  
  
(( **Flash Back** ))+  
  
What I expected? A smile. What I got? Someone running off me. Just after I finished to say "you" she ran off, as if I was going to bit her or something. I had no idea of what was happening, I had no idea what to do. I saw her running upstairs, her flame red long hair swinging behind her back, but nothing else. I felt like running after her, but I supposed the last thing she wanted to see was my face. My ugly face, as she usually said.  
  
Then the floor started spinning and my sight was blurred by a soft but suffocating layer of mist. I couldn't breath normally and as my heart slowed down I sat heavily on the cold still spinning floor. It was it, the end of me, the end of everything I expected to be, the end of all hope and dream of my soul. Then I fall deep into a dark depression. I was starting to live my reality.  
  
(( **Back to the Present** ))  
  
Should I give up? Should I start looking for something else? Something she denies me? Something she has and I want and though she hates to show? But at last. What was it? And where did it come from?  
  
"Don't sigh like that Prongs. You know we all are with you, and we'll take you through this sadness back to your normal life." Those words comforted part of me, but not the part I needed to be comforted. Remus always find out how to make me feel better, even though still I felt a bit crappy.  
  
I sighed again not knowing if what I really wanted was my normal life. I used to be a jokingly, mignon guy, and now I was conferred to a sad face with empty eyes, but maybe and just maybe that was the way to bring Lily to me. She'll notice my sad face and my different attitude at everything, and she'll, well, she will start feeling sorry for me. No, that was not the right way to do things, but at least she would notice me. Yes, she would but not because she likes you, just because she thinks you are miserable and being such a good, polite and sweet girl she'll help you out of this. And I'll have her near me, she will realize what I really am, how I really feel about her, and she'll stay near me!  
  
Sirius and Remus stared at me as if I was some kind of weirdo, just after a few minutes I noticed their particular expressions.  
  
"I'll be fine, don't worry. Is just temporary." They both nodded and sighed deeply. We were in my room sitting in our beds. The weather was warm and the pink sun set could be seen from my opened window.  
  
Someone knocked the door twice and opened it without waiting for an answer. It was my mum. She was tall, skinny, with a pair of hazel eyes, her light brown hair laid heavily over her shoulders in curls.  
  
"Darlings," Her sweet voice exclaimed. "Dinner is ready." She smiled and walked out closing the door behind her.  
  
"Great!" Said Sirius. "I'm starving!" She jump to him feet and followed mom out of the room and downstairs.  
  
"He's always starving." Said Remus rolling his eyes and standing up, then both of us exited the room and walked downstairs too.  
  
The hypnotizing smell of my mom's famous roast beef caught my senses mixed with the sweet one of her delicious pineapple pie. Sirius was already filling his plate when we got there, dad wasn't home and I didn't want to know why. As we sat in the table mom brought some boiled rice and mashed potatoes, everything looked perfect and delicious. And somehow, maybe for first time in my life, I was not hungry at all.  
  
"C'on P'ngs eat so'ing" Sirius' mouth was full of food as he tried to say this.  
  
"Sirius, sweetie, chew, swallow then talk." Mom ordered.  
  
"Sorry aunt Angie." He replied after swallowing. Remus and I looked disgust at the fact of having seen Sirius' food after being chewed several times.  
  
"Now, what were you saying darling?" Mom asked calmly as she served some roast beef on her plate.  
  
"Oh yeah! Come on Prongs eat something!" He said smiling and siping some orange juice from the cup standing in front of him.  
  
"I'm not hungry." I said briefly and oddly. Then it came out, mom's speech about healthy young boys marrying healthy young girls. It mainly consisted in what your body needs and how this affects how you look. Then she runs off topic and goes to the fact that for marrying a young healthy girl and having healthy kids you have to eat healthy, do exercise avoid cigarettes and alcohol too. Remus, Sirius and I knew this speech by heart, and so it started.  
  
"You need to eat in order to be healthy." We repeated in chorus. Mom blushed slightly and grinned before saying.  
  
"I know you don't like to hear this but you have to boys."  
  
"Sure Mom, we know, 'I do this because I love you all'" I said faking her pierced voice.  
  
. - * - . - * - . * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . * - . - * - . - * - . - * - . * - . - * - .  
  
I am sorry this chapter is short too, but I had little time to write it since I have to write my other fan fics too. However I hope you enjoyed the little content this has, I promise next one will be hilariously better. Till January 1st then. Enjoy your holidays. 


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